childhood fears

All posts tagged childhood fears

Rosemary’s Pixie: Three Years of Fear, Growth and Learning To Say Yes

Published October 17, 2015 by vfdpixie

It’s year three for Rosemary’s Pixie and I’m happy to say once again that I’m still here. With all the ups and downs, steps forward cancelling out the steps back, I can truly say that fear has been a driving force in my learning curve.

In terms of horror, fear is essential and the thing I love most about the genre. The creatures, villains, and psychopaths all titillate and terrify; giving us that adrenaline rush that can’t be beat.  Tapping into it at the basest level triggers a primal response to keep us from danger, even though that danger is on a movie screen.  As a child, I loved to be scared by movies and stories, but in real life, fear became a bad thing manifesting itself in a not so great way.

I was taught to fear my elders, an all-seeing God, and authority figures because I was lead to believe they could determine whether I sink or swim.  I depended on them for guidance like most, but was held back by what they might do if I disobeyed the rules or went my own route, fearful of an unknown or harsh discipline and judgement.  This gave way to anxieties and pressures that became crippling as I grew older, and, along with some significant life events that changed me, made everything come to a full stop.  I soon found out these figures of authority and their mythologies were hugely flawed, did not apply to me, and I needed to live my own life.  That took a long time to figure out, but when I did, it felt like a weight was lifted off my shoulders.

Now I see fear as something good, something I feel before I take a leap into the unknown.  It now drives me to try new things and leave the doubt behind.  This past year, I have gained the confidence to branch out with my writing and love for horror, and I would like thank the following people for the support and faith that I could contribute interesting content:

First off, there’s Ashlee Blackwell, founder of  She works tirelessly to make sure women of colour horror writers and fans like myself are heard.  She is scholar and über horror aficionado and I will forever appreciate her constant encouragement and support.  You must go to her site to learn about Black women and women of colour who contribute to the horror genre via print, film and other media, and I am honoured to have a couple of posts on her site:


Then there is, a super fun and informative site that covers all things geeky where my obsessive Face Off posts are shared, and where I have just recently started contributing film reviews.  Thanks to Mat and Courtney for being really awesome dudes and restoring my faith in the blogging community.

Lastly, but never, ever least, are my girls Laina D. running around in a New York minute, Ana Maria who lives “over the pond” at the moment, and my cool, calm and collected sister Semone. Without these three lovelies, I don’t think I would have had the courage to sit in front of my poor, dusty laptop and hammer out anything at all.  Of course, there are all of my friends, visitors, Twitter followers and Facebook likers who read my ramblings and take the time to leave comments, both good and bad.  I am forever grateful to know you all still want to read what I have to say, and that you care enough to write a response.  Oh, and since you’re still here, stay tuned for a couple of announcements in the coming months/new year!

So this is what happens when you embrace the fear, take the leap and say “yes”. Here’s to another year of the good kind of fear, and more of saying, and hearing, that three-lettered word, that one syllable simply described in the Merriam-Webster Dictionary as “a positive answer to a question, request or offer” but opening doors to so much more.



Face Off Season 7 Episode 9: Creepy Clowns!

Published September 24, 2014 by vfdpixie

The artists got a rude awakening this week.  In the middle of the night, a creepy, cackling voice woke them up and told them to head to the lab, where they were engulfed in darkness.  As they stumbled around in the dark, a screen came to life, revealing McKenzie’s evil twin.  She gave them their next Spotlight Challenge.  They had all done a survey asking what their childhood fears were.  Using the icon of a fun-loving clown, and in the same vein as films like It, Poltergeist, and Saw, they were to use their childhood fears as inspiration to create a creepy clown character.  And to make it more interesting, their makeups were going on professional clowns who were going to do a performance in their looks!  They were left in the dark to create their designs.  This challenge had a lot of potential for great creepy makeups!

Cig’s childhood fear was dark water. He had dreams of being pulled down into murky water by creepy skeletal creatures, in fact, he realized that all his designs on the show came from his childhood nightmares!  His concept was a skeletal clown that had drippy, waterlogged makeup.  Mr. Westmore advised him to test out his drippy makeup effect before applying it to avoid any mishaps and he did with successful results.  On application day, Cig had to stuff the head so that his performer could move without the head bobbing.  He had one chance to perfect the runny makeup look, and he succeeded!  His clown was super creepy and had a great seltzer prop to boot.  The judges thought the shapes were amazing, and Lois loved the drippy effect.  Neville thought it was horrific (in a good way), and Glenn loved the painting on the back of the clown’s head.  He said he would love to see that come out of his shop.  Cig was in the top looks.

Damien had a fear of spiders.  He designed Webbles the Clown that ate spiders and because they laid eggs in him, was being eaten alive.  He was in the mold room first, and worried his clown was too simple.  He needed to create little spiders to place all over the makeup, and was frustrated because nothing was working.  He ended up using wires, duct tape and black spray paint to get his creepy spiders.  He also had trouble with the mouth appliance sticking on his performer, so there was a bit of panic there.  The end result was a creepy looking clown, but the judges thought it was too joker-like and fairly commonplace.  They did not like the glued on spiders and thought it looked like a Halloween costume.  Neville like the definition in the paint, but couldn’t get past the Joker look.  He was in bottom looks.

Dina was afraid of tornadoes.  Her first concept was a clown with a tornado incorporated into his hair and face.  After Mr. Westmore told her the idea was as stretch, she revamped her clown so that he got caught in a tornado during a birthday party and had party favours imbedded into his face and body.  She used Kryolan Artex, a silicone product, to create musculature in the clown’s head.  Her clown had a windblown look and was gruesome and fun at the same time.  The judges said it was beautifully executed and she did a great job juxtaposing fantasy and reality.  Because it was so well painted and sculpted, they were starting to see a new tier of her talent.  She was in top looks.

Drew was also afraid of spiders.  His idea involved a weird pointy spider nose and spider eyes across his forehead.  Mr. Westmore told him to be careful with his paint job.  His large spider butt head had to be modified because he was thinking of his performer and their ability to move in the makeup.  In the end, he felt he didn’t add all the spider details that he wanted.  His spider nose thingy looked weird.  The judges felt the eyes should have been placed higher on the head and the incomplete nose confused Glenn.  He was in the bottoms looks with his busy design.

Sasha was afraid of old dolls, because of her grandmother’s collection.  She wanted a creepy porcelain doll with cracks, and was worried that she wasn’t a clown, but went with her gut.  Mr. Westmore told her to make sure the doll looked aged and not too white for a creepy effect.  She used pictures of cracks from the sidewalk as a reference, and recreated the hair plug look on the doll’s head to mimic an old doll.  The end result was a really pretty but creepy doll.  The judges loved the hair plug look, and Lois adored the cracks and highlights on the nose and lips.  The silhouette was strong, and they thought the fact that she went a different path was admirable.  She was in the top looks.

George was afraid of worms.  As he sculpted, he realized his wormy clown looked like a pile of poop, so he had to rework his design.  He came up with a wormy serial killer clown, and while he wore denim short shorts ( to the dismay of other artists), worked out his clown.  He used thread to create a segmented worm-like arms, and silicone to make a mess-free sheen.  He had to re-work his paint however, when he noticed the arms and face were not the same colour.  The face which was supposed to look like it was teaming with worms looked like a brain.  The judges liked the arms and noticed a slight variation with the paint colours, but he was safe this time.

Rachael was afraid of cockroaches as a child.  She created roach antennae and mandibles for her clown.  She was afraid it wasn’t clown enough at last looks.  Her finished clown was ok, but the judges didn’t think it came together.  Lucky for her she was safe.

Stella was afraid of monsters under the bed.  She wanted to create a clown that consisted of things you find under the bed, using a ball for his chin and bed sheets for his large clown pants.  She needed to cast a set of arms, so she used a mold of George’s arms, who was happy to oblige.  The outcome was a creepy clown with hands emerging from his clown hair.  I thought it was really creative, and while the judges liked elements of the design, like his sculpted lashes, they thought that some things didn’t make sense with the makeup.  Stella was safe despite this critique.

The professional clowns did a great performance in the makeup, flipping, turning and balancing on a giant ball, and all the artists were glad that nothing fell off.  The winner of this challenge was Sasha!  They loved that she took a big risk that delivered an outstanding makeup.  Glenn said this reminded them of why they saved her.  The person going home was Damien.  They expected more from him at this point of the competition, and wanted a more out of the box approach.  They judges hoped he left feeling encouraged because they really did like his work.  I was sad to see him go because I think he has great potential, but people have to be eliminated so we can get to the finale!




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